We very often get the comment about how smart our children are-especially when they are little babies. I may be sticking my neck out on a limb writing this post, but I think that we do not give children credit for how intelligent they really are. They learn how to manipulate and play people at a very early age, while their parents are sitting by saying, "Oh, he's just a baby, he doesn't know what he's doing." When the parents decide that it is finally time to start training their child, the parents want to throw their hands in the air and say that it is impossible. What a lot of parents don't realize is that they HAVE ALREADY TRAINED their children at a very early age that it is ok to throw temper tantrums to get what they want. It is ok to run away when called since it is just a game. It is ok to make a mess with their food because it is so cute. When the parents decide that the child is now old enough to train, the parents are actually trying to untrain what they have already trained the first two or three years of life. They have trained their children to be dumb.
Here are some things that we have found that work for us.
As soon as we can tell that our baby is purposely reaching for things, we start showing them things that they cannot have, so they will learn what the word "No" means. I usually start with a plastic bag because I am always nervous that they will put one over their head. When the child reaches for the bag, just pull the child's hand away and say "No." Keep repeating the process for a few minutes until they learn the lesson. Throughout the day for the next few days we have the same lesson over and over. Eventually, the child learns what "No" means. It does not take long either, and it's a lot easier to do that than to keep hiding things from your child.
Accidentally, I have also taught my children at a very young age to "Come here." Before I pick them up, I always hold out my hands to my baby and say, "Do you want to come here?" or "Come here." When they start crawling, they already know what "Come here" means. Eventually, they will decide that, "Come here" is not an option they want to take. When that time comes, we sit down and make them come over and over again. It really pays off. Sierra is only 18 months, but she comes when called-most of the time.
Some churches are not really supportive of this next item, but thankfully ours encourages it. We sit our children in church from day one. Of course, in the beginning I have to occasionally take them out to change their diaper or feed them, but they are so used to sitting in church and being quiet that people are amazed at how well behaved they are when we visit other churches.
We also train our children to just "Sit there." When Spencer started doing this with Zach I thought he was so mean, but I can't tell you how helpful it has been. Just sit the child down and say, "Sit there." When the child moves to get up, put them back down and say, "No, sit there." It has been so useful for me...at the doctor's office, at kindergarten graduation practice, etc. There would have been no way that I could have gone those places and done those things with four children if they had not learned the valuable lesson of sitting. Even Sierra again knows how to, "Sit there."
I am now working on teaching the children how to help clean house. I'm a little behind times on this especially where Zach is concerned. However, I have noticed how much happier my children are when they are involved in Mom's world. They stop the fighting, fussing, and tattling because they are getting attention that they desire. Brittany and Sierra love to load and unload the dishwasher. Of course there are certain items that they cannot do yet, but that will come as they get bigger. Brittany is always proud of how big and grown up she is when she does a "grown up" job. Zach isn't so big on house work, but he is awesome at "Man's" work. However, he is getting pretty good at folding laundry.
Sierra also knows how to put her shoes in the shoe drawer. I just had to say put your shoes in the drawer and show her how to do it, and she caught on. It's so amazing.
I don't want to train my children how to do grownup work so they can take my place, but I do want them know how to do things so they will learn not to be selfish, love helping others, know how to run the house when they are on their own, etc. I think it's just a win-win situation all around.
I get a lot of my ideas from No Greater Joy. They are linked on my blog under the parenting link.
Always be prepared when you go to the beach-or Christian College Beach as Zach called it. I took swim suits for the kids but not towels, sunscreen or suitable beach attire for Spencer and I. I was just too lazy to go back to the motel room and get stuff for us. I reasoned it away that the kids would only play at the very edge of the water-WHAT WAS I THINKING! Brittany (my dare devil) decided to go a little farther out than the other two. She started getting carried away by the waves and I had to jump into waist deep water to rescue her. Totally uncomfortable to wear a completely wet, sandy, long jean skirt.
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